Friends Sitcom Joey Tribbiani Quotes, Joey Tribbiani aka Matt Leblanc all Funny Quotes from Friends show.
How you doin’?
Don't you put words in people's mouths! You put turkey in people's mouths!
I call that London style.
Everyone knows I’m an ass man.
Guys! You gotta let me nap! I’m gonna get cranky!
She’s so sweet. I just want to feed her grapes and brush her hair.
You wanna do Joey a favor? Why don’t out go out with Joey?
‘Sup with the whack PlayStation. sup’?
I’ll take a box of the cream filled Jesuses.
Dammit Carl! Pizza! WE LIKE PIZZA!
I look a woman up and down and say, “Hey. How you doin’?”
Is that college talk for horny?
You hung up on the pizza place? I don’t hang up on your friends.
It’s between us and the sea, Ross.
Which reminds me, I’m also thankful for thongs.
I am secure with my masculinity. You’ve seen my huge stack of porn right?
I was told the name of the movie would NOT appear on the bill.
Shame on you TV Guide, a man’s ass is not nudity!
You can’t teach someone to be good with women, that’s why I never had any luck with Chandler.
I don’t like when people take food OFF MY PLATE, OKAY?
Don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to God!
You got pregnant for funny? Dina, if he’s funny, laugh!
I’ve never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didn’t have naked chicks on it.
If I took off my pants right now, how would you feel?
Rach, these little women…how little are they?
You mean its a girl-girl thing? Cause that’s the one thing missing from The Shining.
Rach, these little women…how little are they?
I wish things didn’t have to change.
It’s not that crazy, making them smaller, NOW THAT’S CRAZY
She kisses better than my mom….cooks.
I’m his butt double. I play Al Pacino’s butt.
She kisses better than my mom….cooks.
Oh yeah? You don’t know about Hugsy! My bedtime penguin friend!
Can you believe that? Me a bad kisser?! It’s like Mother Teresa, not a good mother!
Don’t you put words in peoples mouths! You put turkey in peoples mouths!
When I first moved to the city, I wen’t a couple times with this girl. Really hot, great kisser, but….she had the biggest Adams apple.
Who says wine has to cost more than milk?
It says PLEH…it’s HELP spelled backwards so the helicopters can see it from the sky.
He says “Hello” I want to kill myself.
You hung up on the pizza place? I don’t hang up on your friends.
I have found my identical hand twin.
Did I say you could smell my sandwich? Half the taste is in the smell. You’re sucking up all the taste units.
This is what I do for living, I’m a professional actor. — Ah DAMMIT, i’m 2 hours late for work.
You look….stop eating hot. Which is the highest level of hotness!
You and my sister sitting in a tree.
To work in soap operas, some of you are gonna have to become much more attractive.
Oh sorry, I hear “divorce” I immediately go to Ross.
Too depressed to eat. I’ll probably eat in like, five minutes.
They can go away, these are just feelings. It’s not like if they will ever come true.
Hey Timmy….I have a surprise for you!
A TV that appears as if from nowhere! That’s the dream!
Im not insensitive, I just don’t care.
All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
Did I ever tell you about the time I went backpacking across Western Europe?
What are you getting so bent out of shape for? It’s not like we agreed to live together forever. We’re not Bert and Ernie!
I guess I just assumed that when you said ‘do you want to come in for tea’ i thought you meant ‘do you wanna come in and have sex’….
Don’t order a garden salad, then EAT MY FOOD!
Excuse me sir. There seems to be some sort of red crap on my cheesecake.
“It’s heavier than milk..” A ROCK! A DOG. THE EARTH!
“It’s white..” PAPER! SNOW! A GHOST!
“You put this in your coffee” A SPOON. YOUR HANDS. YOUR FACE!
No matter what happens…….We still get cake right?
Some girl ate Monica!
Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. There’s no meat in beer right?
Don’t we need to do some preparation first? Like, uh, get really drunk?
Aww man! He took the five of spades! Oh wait, here it is.
Actually you know it’s kind cold, so how about I keep my boxers on and give y’all a peek at the good stuff?
No, no.. My hole!
My hands are totally clean. I just gave the duck a bath.
That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s breaking up with you…. maybe he just cheated on you.
Wouldn’t it be cool if our chick and our duck had a baby? We could name it Chuck.
Did you not hear the plot of the movie? “Betsy been dead for 10 years” I’m gonna be a millionaire!
You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you?
But you called me Burt! That’s our code word for danger.
What is wrong with me? It looked more delicious when it looked like a pen!s!
Cause in Joey Tribbiani, you get a minister, and you get a entertainer. I’m a ministainer.
No no no. Rosita does not move.
Get out of the way Jackass!.. Who names their boat Coastguard anyway?
I’m an expert at taking off bras. I can do it with one hand. I can do it with my eyes closed. One time I looked at one and it popped open.
Occupation.? Dinosaurs.
There’s a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor.
I’m a lone wolf. You know? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever.
My sandwich was next to Ross…I was trying to save my sandwich!
If she was marrying a guy she’d be like the worst lesbian ever.
We may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don’t read alot or run very fast but dammit, we can eat!
Fear of heights? Go to a top of a building. Afraid of bugs? Get a bug.
Okay… sex. No, food. No, uh… I want girls on bread!
Name? I know Ross, but what’s it short for? You know like, Rossel or Rosstepher.
So why don’t you be a grown up and watch TV in the fort?!
That’s a great story, can I eat it?
If you didn’t want to play then why did you come to the party?
Maybe they’ll name it after you and then people will be like “awh..he’s got the Ross”
“whoops Joey electrocuted himself again.”
Baby proofing? Why is this such a big deal now? Y’know when I was a kid it was like, “whoops Joey fell down the stairs.”
You can’t just give up! Is that would a dinosaur would do?!
Apparently having to pee makes me a really good actor.
What I was gonna say is when you’re 90 you’ll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
The question should be Rach, what is not so great about The Shining. Okay?
Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
I’m an actor, y’know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic.
I had this date last night.. yuuucck! But we should probably keep it down, she’s still in the bedroom.
They should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids, someone’s gotta carry on the family name.
Hot nanny and me against the world.
What? You think I’m just gonna sleep with her & never call her again and things are gonna get uncomfortable?.. yeah that sounds about right.
Well, I’m sorry if I’m not a middle-aged black woman.
Yeah. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.
Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.
We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Ichiban, lipstick for men.
Looks aren’t as important as… nah she’s gotta be hot.
You can’t have S-E-X when you’re taking care of a B-A-B-I-E!
I have surprisingly small feet, but the rest of me is good. I’ll show you!
By the powers invested in me, by the state of New York, and the internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife.. oh wait.
I’m off to fight the Nazis.
But it hurts my Joey’s apple.
Why God, why?! We had a deal. Let the others grow old, not me!
Show him your bra, he’s scared of them. Can’t work ’em.
Aren’t you guys done yet? I wanna sit in my chair!
Wanted: female roommate. Nonsmoker, non-ugly.
It’s like the end of an era. No more J-man and Channy.
Check it out! We’re bracelet buddies!
If she hits me when she’s happy, can you imagine how hard she’s gonna hit me when I tell her I’m takin’ away the Joey love?
Hey, hey. I’m just talking here. He’s the one doin’ your sister.
I AM CURVY AND I LIKE IT!
Inside good. Outside bad.
So stupid ordering cheesecake. Tryna be healthy!
When it comes to food, I have certain rules.
