Hope of never giving up
The loneliness epidemic did not affect me because I was used to it. I lived with this constant hope of never giving up.
Be it my career or my willingness to find a partner. We see thousands of people in our day-to-day life, we talk with hundreds of them willingly or unwillingly, but there is always this one person who makes our heart skip a beat.
She was the one, why?
Because she made sure that I no longer listen to those lonely songs. She used to brighten my days in the office. We did not hit off as a couple, and I was always one-sided. It was me who wanted to grow while being in love with her. She was this little bubble of joy for me, and I was her office buddy:).
I felt at home
It will not be an exaggeration to tell you that she was the first woman with whom I felt at home.
Every conversation we had held some depth in itself. We also talked about our work sessions and if we want to accompany each other during office breaks.
Our friendship grew faster than ever. We started getting closer, and our thoughts inclined perfectly. She was different, from the way she behaved to watching the ever brightening smile of her.
I concluded that I feel something she does not; love. Life is tiring, and I do not know how to get back on land in this ocean of Loneliness. She was my ray of hope. She was older than me but I never cared, or did I?
I had the very best memories
Memories, I had the very best memories with her. I remember how we used to roam around in my old bike and loved to eat in the pizza hub. Those are the days I miss the most.
As an individual who has been alone for so long, a love like this was a blessing. It was a crazy stupid love but one-sided where we used to click pictures together; irony, wasn’t it?
She was the loveliest woman I have ever known. Her thoughts and dreams were ambitious individuals, and I loved how she never held herself back from something she loved. There was a point in our “friendship” when I reluctantly thought she was in love with me.
It was just a mere guess because she ever confirmed it, but there are few things in life you do not need to express generously. We were happy, but suddenly the talking stopped. Everything froze in front of my eyes, and maybe she found out that I loved her, or perhaps she fell in love with me.
I know that you would say, does age matter? No, but we drifted because of that. She stopped conversing with me, and I did the same. I did not want to make her uncomfortable and if not talking with me was the way she was getting her happiness, then why not?.
Love is a matter of luck I wanted in my life
Love is a matter of luck, and for me, it never loved it or listed it; I wanted her, but I saw my self-respect winning the race. It is so hurtful to think of it now. Maybe, just maybe, we would have been together or sorted things out, at least. I loved her, from her eyes, her angular nose with that little nose pin, and her free smile.
She was a free-spirited woman, and whenever we used to talk, it felt blissful. I never liked myself being pictured, but for some reason, one day, I let her click a picture of us, and then we discussed how I don’t particularly appreciate being clicked or, let us say, I find myself very weird in photographs.
She laughed and told me that I would master the art just like her if I clicked my pictures regularly.
I never got to tell her that she was the love goddess I wanted in my life. I wanted to write the love hypothesis with her. I still feel incomplete without her, but I remember that she was not even mine anywhere. She was just like this sweet breeze that creased my forehead and went away.
Sometimes I think it was the age gap she feared, and I was the fool who never assured her that it would work. Dealing with Loneliness is easier for me nowadays. I look at our old pictures and remember the bitter-sweet memories I have left in my brain. I try to imagine my whole life with her, but what is the point now? It is all worthless anyway.
My love towards her will remain eternal, but there is no love story here. I thought I was not alone with her, but maybe Loneliness never left my side. It will stay with me, but at least our pictures are now old photographs that I can see and smile at in a while.
A sparrow in our garden
I was a little kid when I saw a sparrow in our garden. That sparrow was exhausted, and I thought it would be very hungry because it was constantly chirping.
I went inside my house real quick, picked up some grains, and returned. The sight before me was not something that I prejudiced, but it was more than beautiful. It turned out that the sparrow was waiting for its partner.
I know that calling a living being “it” is not the most wonderful thing in this world, but I couldn’t differentiate between their genders. These two lovebirds started to come to our house regularly, and I kept on feeding them for a month or so, but then they left.
I was not sad because of them. I started waking up early in the mornings. No, I did not want to be a bird. I just loved how it felt before and a few moments after the sunrise. Early morning hours started to give me some satisfaction.
I started driving before going to school, and I would see all these fresh dew on different leaves. It was hard to get a few things as a child, but I understood why I loved mornings when I grew up.