Time turned into a sea and did not show the direction to cross
Time is valuable to us; why?
Living is a necessity, but we have to survive, and no one gets extra hours to claim their hard work. Twenty-four hours a day feels less when you do not have nature by your side; the wind rushing and drums making loud noises are not something anyone wants to hear every day.
It does not matter if you are an adult or teenager; children are exceptional, they live in a world where fairies come and give them their love, but here too, an exception exists, and some children only get the shed of nature, the trees and water form the puddles.
Anyway, don’t we have enough problems in our lives to think about those unprivileged children walking barefooted? I give them whatever I can, chocolates; they have a fairy too.
Teenager vs adulthood
When I was a teenager, I used to think about how exciting adulthood must be. How enchanting it must be to go to parties and celebrate love, fondness, and sensitivity.
I had no idea my journey to maturity would be small; time flew, and I was an adult already; Life never went backward, and responsibilities grew.
I started to understand the pain in those eyes grooving on dance numbers, every eye rushing from here and there searching for any love; humans are not weird; we all are just too lonely. Loneliness slowly crept inside me as well.
Every day, I started to feel this stretch in my heart that hurt like hell. I was not too fond of the sight of those red roses or gold hour; luck and love were two things I was going away from. Slowly, it felt like someone was stabbing me every second of the day; progress was not living with me.
Sleepless Night from the window of my room.
From the window of my room, I often thought if it was worth living in this lonely room full of people I laugh with? Is it worth it to see the world from this glass window that forces the wind to stay away from me? After thinking about it in every academic break and making it after a meal, though,-
I got the answer; Force is a thing from which we are surviving. How?Did you want to do your current job? Or are you too involved in making money?Did you want to live alone? Or was it just a reflection you adopted in your life because you are too fragile to break again?Did you want to leave the love of your life? Or was it the only "right" thing you could have done?Sleepless Night, From the window of my room.
Millions of such decisions we make in our adulthood result in grief, but we are forced to do that. We all are forced to live a life we never wanted until we are monetarily advanced.
Araku Valley Visakhapatnam India
I visited Araku Valley once; it is in Visakhapatnam, India. A city filled with blissful sightings and mountains covered with snow caps made my heart happy for a while. I watched the river flowing in the valley, rushing as if she wanted to go somewhere very soon; It reminded me of our lives.
We are running in one direction, we all have to make money, but we do not know if we want this. Some of us are stuck like the stones in the river, but sometimes I think that is better, the river is shaping them, and they become the most loved part of the streams.
I fear to cross any water body, even if it is a stream where only my legs will get wet; it loves me and has stayed with me since I was a child. I think twice before going on a trip where my friends want to interact with running rivers. They give me anxiety, making me feel like I should be running instead of sitting here.
I often ask myself, “Where do you have to run?” and honestly, I do not know where but my subconscious mind keeps telling me that I’m stuck; If being stuck feels so free in some ways, at least then I do not want to run at all. My friend once called upon me, “You need to move on, leave a certain place to grow,” but then what about trees?. I always wanted to grow upwards, I realized.
Only thing money rather than goals
We do not get what we want, not in the perfect way. We take up opportunities that drive us to nowhere just because we get monetary benefits. Like humans, we focus on money rather than goals; we lose many things in life like this. Instead of becoming a tree that would take care of many people, that would give head to many people and fruits, of course, but that did not happen.
Time played with me in many ways; sometimes, it was my family pressuring me to earn, and other times, it was me pressuring my inner self to move as fast as possible. Twenty-four hours in a day seemed too little, 5 hours of sleep was too low, but I had no time; I had no time. I told life, “Let’s negotiate”, and life gave me streams and streams of water; I cried when I failed, I cried when the wind blew too fast, I cried when I was alone and when I was with someone.
Slowly, I started to be the one leaving parties too soon, completing work too fast, and taking many responsibilities so that I had no time to have conflicting thoughts.
Did it work?
Yes, suppressing feelings works until one day, when you decide to watch a Netflix Documentary where children are playing, teenagers are smiling, and Adults are trying to match children’s energy, I broke down. I stood up and realized that I had become the same running river I feared. I realized that time was turning into a sea; my destination was the sea, and I had no idea how to cross it.
Will I ever strike it?
Time turned into a sea and did not show the direction to cross…
